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Springs, I felt in the pit of my stomach that I had lost control over some valuable part of my life. Your employer will refrain from calling you at 11:30 at night, but not from sending an inquiring, hectoring, must-be-promptly-answered-as-soon-as-you-log-on e-mail. E-mail

doesn¡¯t just collapse distance, it demolishes all boundaries. And that can be, depending on the moment, either a blessing or a curse. ÎÒÄܹ»ÔÚ¹¤×÷£¬ºÜ´ó³Ì¶ÈÉÏÊÇÒòΪÎÒÓеç×ÓÓʼþµØÖ·£¬¶øÇÒͬÕâ¸ö½ôÃÜÁªÏµµÄÊÀ½ç½øÐÐÁËħ¹íʽµÄ½»»»¡£µ±ÎÒÌýµ½Óë°®Àö˿Ȫ½ôÃÜÏàÁ¬µÄµ÷ÖÆ½âµ÷Æ÷µÄÉùÒôʱ£¬ÎÒÄÚÐÄÖªµÀÎÒʧȥÁËÎÒÉú»îÖÐÒ»Ð©ÖØÒª²¿·ÖµÄ¿ØÖÆ¡£ÄãµÄÀϰå¿ÉÒÔ²»ÔÚÍíÉÏ11µã°ë´òµç»°¸øÄ㣬µ«ÊÇÈÔÈ»¿ÉÒÔÔÚÕâ¸öʱ¼ä¸øÄã·¢Ò»·âÎÊѯÐÔÖʵ쬴øÓÐÍþвÐÔÖʵģ¬ÄãÒ»µÇ¼¾Í±ØÐë»Ø¸´µÄÓʼþ¡£µç×ÓÓʼþ²»µ¥µ¥ÈþàÀ뻯ΪÎÚÓУ¬ËüÒ²´Ý»ÙËùÓнçÏÞ¡£ÔÚ²»Í¬µÄʱ¼ä£¬Ëü¿ÉÒÔÊǸ££¬Ò²¿ÉÒÔÊÇ»ö¡£

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The Trying Twenties ¾­ÊÜ¿¼ÑéµÄ20À´Ëê

Gail Sheehy

The Trying Twenties confronts us with the question of how to take hold in the adult world.Incandescent with our energies, having outgrown the family and the formlessness of our transiting years, we are impatient to pour ourselves into the exactly right form ¡ª our own way of living in the world. Or while looking for it, we want to tryout some provisional form. For now we are not only trying to prove ourselves competent in the larger society but intensely aware of being on trial.

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Graduate student is a safe and familiar form for those who can afford it. Working toward a degree is something young people already know how to do. It postpones having to prove oneself in the bigger, bullying arena. Very few Americans had such a privilege before World War II; they reached the jumping-off point by the tender age of 16 or 18 or 20 and had to make their move ready or not. But today, a quarter of a century is often spent before an individual is expected or expects himself to fix his life¡¯s course. Or more. Given the permissiveness to experiment, the prolonged schooling available, and the moratoria allowed, it is not unusual for an adventurer to be nearly 30 before firmly setting a course. ¶ÔÄÇЩ¾­¼ÃÉÏÄܳÐÊܵÄÈËÀ´Ëµ£¬¶ÁÑо¿ÉúÊÇÒ»ÖÖ¼ÈÎÈÍ×ÓÖÊìϤµÄ·½Ê½¡£¹¥¶ÁѧλÒÑÊÇÄêÇáÈËËùÊìÚϵÄÉú»î¡£ËüʹµÃÎÒÃDz»±Ø¹ýÔçµØÍ¶ÉíÓÚÁîÈËÉúηµÄÉç»á´ó¾º¼¼³¡ÉÏȥ֤ʵ×Ô¼ºµÄÄÜÁ¦¡£ÔÚ¶þսǰ£¬ºÜÉÙÃÀ¹úÈËÓÐÕâÖÖÉîÔìµÄÈÙÐÒ£»ÔÚ16¡¢18»ò20ÕâÑùÉÐδ³ÉÊìµÄÄê¼ÍËûÃǾ͵½´ïÁËÈËÉúµÄ³ö·¢µã£¬²¢ÇÒ²»ÂÛËûÃÇÊÇ·ñÒÑ×÷ºÃ×¼±¸£¬¾Í±ØÐë²ÉÈ¡Ðж¯¡£µ«½ñÌ죬³£³£ÊÇÔÚËÄ·ÖÖ®Ò»ÊÀ¼ÍµÄʱ¼ä¹ýÈ¥Ö®ºó£¬Ò»¸öÈ˲ű»Ö¸Íû»ò×ÔÎÒÆÚÅÎȥѡ¶¨×Ô¼ºµÄÈËÉúµÀ·¡£»òÕßËùÐèʱ¼ä¸ü³¤¡£¶ÔÒ»¸öðÏÕÕß¶øÑÔ£¬¼ÈÈ»ÈÝÐíËûÈ¥ÊÔÑéÈËÉú£¬ÑÓ³¤ÇóѧµÄʱ¼ä£¬»òÊÇÔÝÇÒ¸éÖÃÒ»ÏÂѧҵ£¬ÄÇôÁÙ½ü30Ëê²ÅÈ·¶¨ÈËÉúµÀ·ҲºÁ²»ÎªÆæÁË¡£

Today, the seven-year spread of this stage seems commonly to be from the ages of 22 to 28.

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The tasks of this period are as enormous as they are ED exhilarating, To shape a dream, that vision of one¡¯s own possibilities in the world that will generate energy, aliveness, and hope. To prepare for a lifework. To find a mentor if possible. And to form the capacity for intimacy without losing in the process whatever constancy of self we have thus far assembled. The first test structure must be erected around the life we choose to try.

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One young man with vague aspirations of having his own creative enterprise, for instance, wasn¡¯t sure if his forte would be photography or cabinetmaking or architecture. There was no sponsor in sight; his parents worked for the telephone company. So he took a job with Ma Bell. He married and together with his wife decided to postpone children indefinitely. Once the structure was set, he could throw all his free-time energies into experimenting within it. Every weekend would find him behind a camera or building bookcases for friends, vigorously testing the various creative streaks that might lead him to a satisfying lifework. Ò»¸öÄêÇáÈË£¬¶ÔÓÚÈçºÎÕ¹¿ª×Ô¼º¸»Óд´ÒâµÄÊÂÒµ£¬Ö¾Ïò䶨£¬ËûÄò»¶¨Ö÷Òâµ½µ×Ëû×îÉó¤µÄÊÇÉãÓ°¡¢Ä¾¹¤»¹Êǽ¨Öþ¡£ÑÛǰËûÕÒ²»µ½ÔÞÖúÈË£»ËûµÄ¸¸Ä¸¶¼Ôڵ绰¹«Ë¾¹¤×÷¡£ËùÒÔËû×îºóÔÚ±´¶û¹«Ë¾ÄǶùÕÒÁ˷ݹ¤×÷¡£½Ó×ÅËû½áÁ˻飬²¢ÓëÆÞ×ÓÒ»Æð¾ö¶¨ÎÞÏÞÆÚµØÑÓ³ÙÉúº¢×Ó¡£Ò»µ©Ñ¡ÔñÁËÕâÑùµÄÉú»î£¬Ëû¾ÍÄܽ«ËùÓÐÒµÓàʱ¼äµÄ¾«Á¦Í¶Èë¸÷ÖÖÊÔÑéÖС£Ã¿¸öÖÜÄ©£¬ËûҪôÔÚæ×ÅÅÄÕÕ£¬ÒªÃ´ÔÚΪÅóÓÑ×öÊé³÷£¬¾«Á¦³äÅæµØÊÔÑéן÷ÖÖ´´ÔìÐÔ£¬ÕâЩ´´ÔìÐÔ»òÐíÄÜÒýµ¼ËûÕÒµ½Ò»ÖÖ¸»ÓÐÂú×ã¸ÐµÄÖÕÉíÊÂÒµ¡£

Singlehood can be a life structure of the twenties, too. The daughter of an ego-boosting father, taught to try anything she wished so long as she didn¡¯t bail out before reaching the top, decided to become a traveling publicist. That meant being free to move from city to city as better jobs opened up. The structure that best served her purpose was to remain unattached. She shared apartments and lived in women¡¯s hotels, having a wonderful time, until at 27 she landed the executive job of her dreams. µ¥ÉíͬÑùÒ²ÄܳÉΪ¶þÊ®¼¸ËêÄêÇáÈ˵ÄÒ»ÖÖÉú»î·½Ê½¡£ÓÐһλٶù£¬ËýµÄ¸¸Ç×ÊÇÒ»¸öÉÆÓÚ¹ÄÀøµÄÈË£¬Ëû½ÌÓýÅ®¶ùÈ¥³¢ÊÔËýËùÏ£Íû×öµÄÒ»ÇУ¬Ö»ÒªËý²»´ïµ½×î¸ßµÄÄ¿±ê¾ö²»°ÕÐÝ£¬ÕâÅ®º¢×îÖÕ¾ö¶¨³ÉΪһÃûÂÃÐÐ¹ã¸æÔ±¡£ÕâÒâζ×ÅÖ»ÒªÓиüºÃµÄ¹¤×÷»ú»á£¬Ëý¾ÍÄÜÔÚ³ÇÊÐÖ®¼ä×ÔÓɵØÇ¨ÒÆ¡£×î·ûºÏËýÄ¿±êµÄÉú»î·½Ê½±ãÊǵ¥ÉíÎÞÇ£¹Ò¡£ËýÓë±ðÈ˺Ïס¹«Ô¢£¬»òסŮ×ÓÂùݣ¬ÈÕ×Ó¹ýµÃÊ®·Ö¿ìÀÖ£¬Ö±µ½27ËêʱËý»ñµÃÁËÃÎÃÂÒÔÇóµÄÖ÷¹ÜµÄְλ¡£

¡°I had no feeling of rootlessness because each time I moved, the next job offered a higher status or salary. And in every city I traveled, I would look up old friends from college and meet them for dinner. That gave me a stabilizing influence. ¡±

¡°ÎÒÒ»µã¶ùҲûÓÐÆ¯²´²»¶¨µÄ¸Ð¾õ£¬ÒòΪÎÒÿ´Î°áǨ£¬ÏÂÒ»·Ý¹¤×÷¶¼»á´ø¸øÎÒ¸ü¸ßµÄְλ»òнˮ¡£²¢ÇÒÔÚÿ¸öÎÒËùÓÎÀúµÄ³ÇÊУ¬ÎÒ¶¼»áȥ̽Íûһϴóѧʱ´úµÄÀÏÅóÓÑ£¬²¢ÓëËûÃǹ²½øÍí²Í¡£Õâ¶ÔÎÒÀ´Ëµ¾ÍÆðµ½ÁËÒ»ÖÖ°²¶¨µÄ×÷Óᣡ±

At 30 ¡ª Shazam! The same woman was suddenly married and pregnant with twins. Surrounded by a totally new and unforeseen life structure, she was pleasantly baffled to find herself content. ¡°I guess I was ready for a family without knowing it.¡±

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The Trying Twenties is one of the longer and more stable periods, stable, that is, in comparison with the rockier passages that lead to and exit from it. Although each nail driven into our first external life structure is tentative, a tryout, once we have made our commitments we are convinced they are the right ones. The momentum of exploring within the structure generally carries us through the twenties without a major disruption of it.

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One of the terrifying aspects of the twenties is the conviction that the choices we make are irrevocable. If we choose a graduate school or join a firm, get married or don¡¯t marry, move to the suburbs or forego travel abroad, decide against children or against a career, we fear in our marrow that we might have to live with that choice forever. It is largely a false fear. Change is not only possible; some alteration of our original choices is probably inevitable. But since in our twenties we¡¯re new at making major life choices, we cannot imagine that possibilities for a better integration will occur to us later on, when some inner growth has taken place.